In Repair

Oh its taking so long,

I could be wrong, I could be ready,

Oh but if I take my hearts advice I should assume its still unsteady.

I am in repair.

Those are John Mayer’s words. As I was listening to this song today it resonated with me. I’m in repair. The older I get the more I realize how imperfect I am. I have so many flaws. Flaws that I see and flaws that people so “graciously” point out to me. I strive to be whole. Perfect. Lovable. Repaired. I’m realizing this might be a life long process. Just like as a kid, I thought in the 2000’s we’d look more like the jetsons than we really do (where’s the hover crafts or robot maids?) I thought at least by my 30’s I’d be this wise woman of God who acted and felt mature feelings all of the time. In both cases, I’ve been wrong. I’m in repair.

I’ve been trying to live out the “fruit of the spirit” in 2010. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,23gentleness and self-control. Galations 5:22-23.

As I read that verse at the end of the year last year I felt God nudge me. Saying I had no self-control. Mostly when it comes to food and exercise. Food is my vice. I use it when I am happy, sad, stressed, bored. Anything. And, really, I’d rather get a tooth pulled than exercise. So I decided to try to get control of this. But you know what? Then my patience started to be tested. I mean a month into it, there is progress but I have so far to go. I’m not a supermodel yet. I can’t run a marathon yet. Why is it taking so long????? Patience….I’m in repair.

And don’t get me started on my self-control and patience struggles when it comes to people. I’m in repair.

Thankfully I have a true source to guide me in this journey. And I will continue to work on being a person who truely bears the fruit of the spirit.

I’m in repair…I’m not together but I’m getting there….

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