Tuesday Confessions

February 24, 2010

Tuesdays are my Saturdays. Which means that I don’t work at the bux but I do have a slew of things that a wife and mother must take care of. You know the usual, laundry, cleaning, dusting, dishes, vacuuming, toilets, bills, grocery shopping, spending time with Abbey, etc. I would love a sabaoth and someday I want to figure out how that will ever be possible. But for now, this is it.

I usually have a few minutes to blog on Tuesdays and I’ve found that I usually confess things on Tuesdays. So I thought I would try to create that trend.

My confession today is that its Wednesday and I didn’t blog yesterday. Nah, thats not my confession. My confession is that I LOVE reality tv. American Idol, Survivor, Biggest Loser. That is what I like right now. I also like a few scripted shows for instance LOST, 30 Rock and Greys. I love my DVR thats all I gotta say.

So my recap of last night is that I really like the curly blonde chick on American Idol as well as the dread lock girl. Remember, I’m not a voter so we shall see what the outcome is.

LOST, they keep saying “Questions will be answered.” They are lying. Only a few more episodes left and still more questions. At this point I’ve given up getting answers. Now all I really want to know is, will Jack and Kate find love? Thats all.

Having biggest loser and 30 rock withdraws. Darn Ice Dancing.

Welp, that’s all for today which is really my Sunday.

What keeps you motivated?

February 16, 2010

Just in case you are wondering, I write this blog for myself. It is good for me to have a record of what has been, what is and hopefully  in the future I can see how I have grown and changed. To know me is to know that I like to dig deep into people. I like to know the “whys” behind people’s actions. I’m pretty analytical…even with myself. So you will find me a bit more candid than most. But really I write this to the future me. That is my disclaimer for today.

So today I have a confession.

I’m a bit of a quitter. You know how they say some people fight and some flight? Well I fight for a bit, give a good college try and if it doesn’t come easy for me, there are times, when I give up. It could be nature, it could be nurture. I’ll not go into the full psychology of it but…. as far as nurture goes, one parent showed me a good example of quitting most of my childhood. The other, was the glue that kept us together. It seems like on this one, I inherited the negative influences more than the positive…isn’t that the way it goes?

Which brings me to the nature of my confession. Its February 16th and I’m about a month and a half into my get healthy challenge and I want to quit. I feel like I’m doing the work I need to do and not yielding the results that I’d like. I’d like to be able to eat a valentines dinner with my husband without worrying that I’m going to ruin all my progress. Because I have a LONG way to go. I’d like to go to my work dinner tonight and not sit and watch people eat. Thats no fun. I’m hungry and not for an apple.  So yeah, today I’d like to quit.  I feel like I need to hire a personal cheerleader to be with me everyday. “Fight, Jill Fight Fight Fight.” “Atta girl.”

So what keeps you motivated. Maybe its not a weight loss goal, maybe its something else? I need some advice. Are you like me? Does the goal you’ve set for yourself seem unattainable? What do you do to not quit?

Isn’t she lovely

February 16, 2010

Today is Abbey Ann Williams’ 4th birthday.

Abbey’s name means joy of the father. She is just that. She is our joy. 4 years ago she was born and stole our hearts! She is all girl. Pink and white are her favorite colors. She loves to dress up in princess dresses every day. She is such a fun little girl. She is smart, very sensitve, stubborn and shy. You will be lucky if you can get her to say hello back to you. But once she warms up to you, you will be smitten.

I asked her what she wanted to do for her birthday and she said that she wanted to go to Chucky Cheese’s. She has only been there one other time but to her that is the birthday place. She wanted a chocolate princess birthday cake. And we took her to build a bear to make her very own bear. She choose a bunny.

I look forward to being her best friend and her mother. I can’t wait to see who she becomes. I pray over my children every night the same prayer : Let them grow in wisdom and stature and find favor with God and man. I pray that for Abbey.

Her first year

Just this past year Abbey started really getting hair. She has “crazy hair” the name we affectionately call it. Its growing on top, and not growing underneath almost like in the 80’s when people shaved under their hair. Its curly in places and straight in others. Its usually a hot mess and we LOVE it.

Holding on for dear life on this wild ride

“Fuzzy Bunny”

In Repair

February 9, 2010

Oh its taking so long,

I could be wrong, I could be ready,

Oh but if I take my hearts advice I should assume its still unsteady.

I am in repair.

Those are John Mayer’s words. As I was listening to this song today it resonated with me. I’m in repair. The older I get the more I realize how imperfect I am. I have so many flaws. Flaws that I see and flaws that people so “graciously” point out to me. I strive to be whole. Perfect. Lovable. Repaired. I’m realizing this might be a life long process. Just like as a kid, I thought in the 2000’s we’d look more like the jetsons than we really do (where’s the hover crafts or robot maids?) I thought at least by my 30’s I’d be this wise woman of God who acted and felt mature feelings all of the time. In both cases, I’ve been wrong. I’m in repair.

I’ve been trying to live out the “fruit of the spirit” in 2010. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,23gentleness and self-control. Galations 5:22-23.

As I read that verse at the end of the year last year I felt God nudge me. Saying I had no self-control. Mostly when it comes to food and exercise. Food is my vice. I use it when I am happy, sad, stressed, bored. Anything. And, really, I’d rather get a tooth pulled than exercise. So I decided to try to get control of this. But you know what? Then my patience started to be tested. I mean a month into it, there is progress but I have so far to go. I’m not a supermodel yet. I can’t run a marathon yet. Why is it taking so long????? Patience….I’m in repair.

And don’t get me started on my self-control and patience struggles when it comes to people. I’m in repair.

Thankfully I have a true source to guide me in this journey. And I will continue to work on being a person who truely bears the fruit of the spirit.

I’m in repair…I’m not together but I’m getting there….

tuesday tv

February 3, 2010

Tuesday is becoming the best tv night.

Lost, American Idol, and Biggest Loser. We have the most wonderful invention in the western world….a dvr. I love it. I can have a life, record a show and watch it when I want and never watch a commercial. Thank you tivo genius people for creating this awesome thing that has changed my life. Yes, I mean it, it has changed my life.

Thank goodness for the recap on Lost. It helped me put timelines together. But I’m still lost. If Jack and Kate don’t ride off into the sunset happily ever after I will be sad. But where did Claire go? And was the flash forward something to show them that their lives weren’t really so great to get back to? Will they become the others? Will we get some answers as this show comes to a close?? I doubt it. But it is so compelling.

American Idol. I’m a huge fan. Voted only once…for Kelly Clarkson on the first season and the line was busy…I’ve never voted since!! I actually can’t wait to see what Ellen brings to the table. But here is the thing that has been bugging me. In all the interviews the people always say “This will help me provide for my family, give me a better life..aka make me rich” That irritates me. Because for me, someone who loves music and loves to sing, I would just be happy that I could do the thing that I love, that gives me joy, full time no matter what. To be able to do the thing you love to do everyday would be payment in itself, right?

Biggest loser. I would like to know what they are eating. And would like a personal trainer. And would like to lose 10 pounds in one week. I love this show because people are transformed. And I identify with their struggle. The only thing that gets annoying a little bit is the crying. I think each contestent might lose a pound or two just by the amount of crying they do every day. I’m not anti-crying, its just a lot of crying..don’t you think?

That was my random post for the day.

“I want your ugly, I want your disease”…Jesus or Gaga?

February 2, 2010

“I want your ugly, I want your disease, I want your love”….Jesus or Gaga?

In a strange way, in these few verses Lady Gaga has really exemplified who Jesus is. I’m sure this wasn’t at all what Gaga was trying to do. But I love when we can redeem culture and point it back to God.

We don’t have to get our junk together to come come to Jesus. We come with our junk and he loves us as we are. In our small group the other night the question was asked “What do you think of when you think of grace?” And I said I have a reaction. I physical reaction. I take a big breath and breathe out a sigh of relief. The tension of knowing that I am so flawed but that He wants my ugly and my disease makes me let out a big, let out the tension, sigh of relief.

Thank you for loving me AND my ugly.